Monday, May 27, 2013

Lurking Armchair BEA this year

It is with regret that I have too much on my plate this year to effectively take part in Armchair BEA no matter how much I"d LOVE to drop the responsibilities and join in instead :)

I will lurk the posts and comment as often as I can in support!

there's always next year :)

Friday, May 24, 2013

another milestone...but not so celebratory

Sometimes milestones are wonderful markers on life's journey, and sometimes they are hard blows. Last week was a celebration as my youngest daughter graduated high school, then came the awful decision that mom was no longer safe at home after being found confused and disoriented in the lobby of the local small town post office...luckily by a dear friend of mine who called me right away.

And also luckily there was a bed available in a truly wonderful assisted living with a memory unit.

Mom, obviously, has Alzheimer's. She is one of the ones that also presents with Sundowner Syndrome as well. She seems and actually is very good during the day, but the discontent, restlessness, irritability, and desire to wander hit her in the evening. It's heartbreaking.

It has taken my mom before her body gave out. And that isn't really fair.

And as nice as the facility is, she felt so hurt and totally BETRAYED when we went in with her to stay. No matter what we'd said in the past, to her going to Clover Ridge was a sneak attack she knew nothing about. In her mind I tricked her into going in and now she's locked up.

No matter what our reality is, that IS her reality.

And there is no way around that. Except that after a couple days she sort of forgot she was mad at me. She started looking forward to seeing her neighbors and realized there were some church friends in there that she knew already. So she's settling. Somewhat.

I know this will be up and down. Some days she will forget she settled in and it will be back to being like the first day she got there. Other days she'll be too busy to visit with me. That's ok because what I DO know is that I don't have to get a call from the police saying my mom fell on some side street and someone found her and the worst has happened. I know she will be OK and cared for and SAFE!!

I love her and want her to not only have safety, but dignified safety. She will be ok and I'll get used to it. I miss her already. She was an amazing, classy lady who is very much responsible for my love of wonderful beautiful things and especially my love of books. I'm so proud when people comment on how much we look alike.

These are the milestones marked with the tears of heartache, but still filled with love.

Sunday, May 19, 2013


This is my youngest. She graduates from High School today. Then, after a whirlwind summer, she is off to St. Ambrose University to become a High School English teacher.

She's going to be phenomenal!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

I hate that I've been so absent from my own dear blog! I do have so much to discuss and so little time to discuss it!

But I'll try making a list to keep me on task.

Things I want to blog about:
  • How I'm doing (I'm healing and still here, keeping my chin up, and getting back on the horse actually)
  • World Book Night (I was a giver)
  • Little time for reading but am working on it!
  • Acquisitions - found some goodies!
  • De-construction of the library at my house because
  • Moved my mom in with me (she has dementia)
  • Upcoming BEA
  • Writing work
  • Graduation of my youngest
Anything else as I think of it :)